my cleaning realization

i LOVE a clean house. i HATE cleaning.

i always start with these great expectations of cleaning. i get my list ready for all i want to clean and feel this excitement about how great our apartment is going to look at the end.

The problem is that cleaning for me requires a whole day, if not a whole weekend. And after a few hours, i lose steam. i get bored. i get distracted. i get lazy in my cleaning and decide that if i've gone a few weeks without cleaning out the bathtub, what's a few more days?

i think i've finally realized my problem. Some people may do great at having a day or two to completely devote to cleaning. But i'm not one of them. So my options are to not clean, which goes against my LOVE for a clean house, or to systematically clean a little bit each day so that my apartment is clean but i don't have to devote an entire weekend to it.

And here is where my analytical, organizing-loving, list-making personality has a field day.

Enter my chore chart.



i found a very similar one on Pinterest (a great resource for stuff like this) and tweaked it for J and me. i even stayed up an hour after J went to be last night making it...and also making a weekly schedule for me with time blocks marked off as to what i will be doing each day.

i told you i was organized.

Today was the first day of my using this list, and though i didn't get to everything, i did feel like i accomplished a lot towards making the apartment clean.

Here's hoping this works, because i've got to figure out some way to make this apartment livable again.

FOTO FRIDAY - My First Mother's Day

Here's a recap of my first Mother's Day in fotos.

A hand-painted card from Caroline, courtesy of her MDO teachers.

And a hand-made card from sweet J.

Dinner out so Mama didn't have to cook, and so Mama could have some wood-grilled garlic shrimp.

Not pictured: J making my breakfast on Mother's Day while i got ready for church.

All in all, a great first Mother's Day. 

Hope you have a fun weekend ahead of you.

Happy Weekending!

FOTO FRIDAY

i call this one Crafting Buddy.

It's the weekend.

My goals are as follows...

1) finish the sewing project seen above (more on that to come)

2) make a cleaning list for cleaning the whole apartment top-to-bottom in 30 days

3) start on cleaning list

4) have fun

What are your plans?

Happy Weekending!

FOTO FRIDAY

i call this one Happy Birthday, Here's a Balloon.

J brought home a chili-shaped balloon from his office's Cinco De Mayo celebration today.

After an initial hesitation, Caroline is now completely infatuated.

She's also now completely 11 months old.

How did that happen?

i seriously need to get going on her first birthday party planning.

It's Friday...finally.

Happy Weekending!

Finding time for God

i use to read the Bible more. i use to make it a point every morning to spend time reading the Word, to spend some time in prayer, to spend some time communing with God. i didn't do it every day. i wasn't perfect. And i tried to not let the goal be perfection. i simply tried to put as much into my relationship with God as i could in order to stay connected.

Then motherhood happened. 

i still try to read the Bible with Caroline on most mornings. But nowadays i'm usually trying to read as quickly as i can one small passage before she grabs my reader from me or begins screaming at the top of her lungs (most of the time, it's squeals of delight, not anger. But that's still hard to talk over). We say a quick prayer and then move on with our day. And i have a hard time finding time again for me to just have a moment to myself with God to read and to pray and to simply be still.

Maybe i could be more disciplined about finding the time while Caroline naps. It's certainly a good option. But i have to be honest and say right now nap time looks a lot like me trying to finish chores or eat something i don't want to share with Caroline or checking email and reading blogs.

i read the Bible with Caroline. i try to find moments of quick pray throughout the day. But after 10 months of this, i started noticing that the intimacy i felt in being connected to God was waning. Not that God was moving away. But i was not spending time with Him, time to sit with Him and and hear His heart. It would be as if you only had quick phone calls or emails with your friend. You'd say a quick hi, tell her a synopsis of your day in a few sentences, and then move on without even waiting to hear her response. After 10 months, it'd be pretty obvious your relationship lacked the intimacy that marks a deep, meaningful relationship.

i was lacking that intimacy. And i wanted it back.

So i'm taking small steps. This morning i read the devotional book Jesus Calling while i ate breakfast and Caroline played in the floor with her toys. It's message was perfect for me at this point in life right now. i wrote it out in my journal and even wrote out a quick prayer to God. Of course, Caroline decided she was done playing and apparently needed a fresh diaper, so i had to move on to helping her. But even in those brief moments of reading and reflecting, i felt a familiarity, as if i was reconnecting with a long-lost friend and we were picking up right where we left off.

i share this first to be honest, since that's what i try to be on this blog. But i also share this to encourage you, dear reader. If it's been a while since you've prayed, if you haven't read the Bible in ages, if God seems to be some cosmic entity far away...i've been there. i've experienced that. And i can tell you it doesn't have to be that way. Even if it's finding a few minutes to just sit silently over your bowl of cereal in the morning, thanking God for another day and asking Him how He would have you live today, there's an opportunity to make a connection, to deepen the relationship.

And it is worth it.

FOTO FRIDAY

i call this one Cool Baby.

What a week it's been.

i don't think i've watched the news this much in a long time.

One of the items on our weekending to do, praying for Boston and West.

May you find moments of joy with the ones you love this weekend.

Happy Weekending!

How a sick baby makes you rethink your parenting philosophies

There are two things that i fully intended to do when Caroline was born.

1) Because i believed it best for my sanity as a new mom, i wanted to have Caroline on a feeding schedule.

2) Because i didn't want to create a habit i had to deal with later in life, and because i was nervous about the safety of it, i did not want Caroline to sleep in our bed with us.

Then Caroline turned 7 months old and started attending MDO. And then in the course of the next three months, she caught the flu, a sinus infection and not one but two ear infections. All while continuing to go through the longest teething period ever.

My baby who would predictably nurse well and eat her meals well on time suddenly would hardly eat. My baby who had been sleeping through the night since she was very small suddenly was waking up multiple times at night.

And my sleep deprivation and inability to figure out how to make it all better led to some things getting thrown out the window (or partially out the window).

First, i still try to stick to a schedule...but it's more like guidelines than actual rules. If she doesn't eat well at one time, i don't wait 3-4 hours for her to eat again. i'll try to see if she'll eat sooner. Sometimes she does, sometimes she doesn't. Some days we follow the schedule almost to the minute. Most days it's more fluid.

Second, on nights when she's really fussy and i'm exhausted and i don't think i have it in me to stand over her crib for another 20 minutes patting her little hiney to get her back to deep sleep, i grab her out of her crib and bring her into our room. This doesn't happen a lot, and we're definitely not a co-sleeping family. But when the little one is sick, it just seems easier for all of us to get rest when she's with us.

Of course, there's no great night's sleep when you have a baby in your bed. i'm constantly being hit in the face with her hands, or almost being pushed out of the bed as she tries to roll on top of me. In fact, it often looks like the roundhouse kick, snow angels or h is for hell diagram below. But i guess some sleep is better than none, right?

photo found at howtobeadad.com

i like to feel in control. i like for things to be predictable and plannable. And that can make me be rigid.

i don't enjoy Caroline being sick. In fact, i hate it. But if there is a silver lining in it, her illness teaches me to relax and be more fluid. To let go and figure out life together with her and J.

Surely that's a valuable lesson to learn as a mom...right?

Caroline at 10 months

She's 10 months old now.

i cannot believe it.

i feel like in this past month, Caroline has grown up right before my eyes. When she was only 9 months old, she still seemed like a baby to me. There was part of me that still felt like we were in the new baby stage.

But something about the fact that i now have to respond, "She's 10 months old," when random people ask me how old she is when we're in the grocery store...well, it makes her seem way more grown up.

Her body's longer. Her hair is longer. The length of time she can lay content in one place is shorter.

Her outfits are looking more and more like what a toddler would wear. i'm even getting close to having to put shoes on her feet because she actually needs them rather than just because they look cute and match her dress.

10 months seems like such a game changer. 

It's the moment i realized we were only 2 months away from her first birthday party. (Let the pinterest perusing begin.) It's when people start asking, "So, have you started thinking about the next one?" (We did a little and then realized quickly those were crazy thoughts.) It's the age where she's growing more and more independent, and we're getting closer to having to baby-proof everything in the whole house. (i know, i know. i probably should have done that already.)

Since these months are just flying by, i'm trying my hardest to record and remember every little moment.

Here's what i never want to forget about 10 month old Caroline...

This is what happens when i ask Caroline to say hi.

- She's become such a little babbler. As far as words go, she'll say Dada and Mama. And i swear one time she said "puffs." But most of the time, she just babbles syllables repeatedly. It's neat to hear her try out different inflections. Sometimes it sounds like she's asking me a question, and other times it seems like she's giving a command. If she's really frustrated sometime she'll say "Deh-deh-deh-deh" in a very sharp, angry tone. J and i joke that she's cussing us out in those times.

- Speaking of communication, pointing is still her main means of it. Whenever i pick her up from her class at MDO, she gets so excited to see me. And once i'm holding her, she waves bye to her teachers and points at the door. She is ready to go! If she sees J leave to go run an errand and i ask her later, "Where's Daddy?" she'll point at the front door. If she's on the floor and wants to be held, she'll fuss a little and point at you. Then once you pick her up, she points to where she would like to be taken...usually the light switch or to any door that goes outside.

- She's in love with mirrors, and laughs whenever she sees herself in one. We have a bath routine where J bathes her in her little tub inside our bigger tub in the bathroom, and then passes her off to me to get dried and lotioned and dressed. Because i stand in front of our bathroom mirror to get her from J and wrap her in her towel, she's started squealing and getting so excited when her bath is over and J picks her up out of her tub. She loves her bath...but she loves seeing herself in the mirror more.

- For being such a spitter when she was younger, she hardly ever spits up anymore. i thought she was going to be wearing bibs and needing burp cloths until she went off to kindergarten. But around 9 months it started tapering off, and at 10 months she hardly spits up at all anymore. She may spit up once every other day, but compared to the dozens of times a day when she was smaller, it hardly seems worth noting anymore.

Hi.

- She's gotten in the habit of falling asleep in a swing. It was sort of my go-to before she started MDO, what i would use when she was fussy and refusing to nap. i told her teachers it might work for nap time, and now she takes her nap at MDO in the swing....EVERYDAY. This has translated into needing the swing at home too. She'll get fussy and start sucking her thumb, but she won't go to sleep unless she gets put in the swing (or rocked by J or me). Since she's so big now, though, she's almost outgrown her swing. i don't know what i'm going to do when she finally does.

- Speaking of growing, she's filling out quite nicely. At her 9 month appointment, she weighed 20 lbs and was 29 inches long. She's in 12 month clothes, though there are a few 9 month pjs i can still fit her into. She's getting so long that we're actually about to buy a new car seat for her, since she's almost outgrown her infant one.

- She loves to eat solid foods, and has even got to the point where she prefers feeding herself small bites of  things rather than being spoon fed. We often give her small bites of whatever bread we're eating, which is often our dinner rolls at dinner. We didn't realize how accustomed to this she had become until the other day when i was setting out some rolls to put in the oven for dinner. She saw them from her high chair and began pointing at them, as if to say she wanted some. Now whenever we're eating near her, she fully expects to be given some of what we're having.

She no longer is content to let Teddy lay beside her. She must attack him...

- 10 months into this and i still find myself in moments where i'm consumed with worry over her. i guess that doesn't really go away. i've been concerned that her nursing less often due to illness would lead to me having to give up nursing. i've worried that she wasn't gaining enough weight like she should. i've read or heard other stories about babies her age crawling or pulling themselves up to standing, and then been consumed with worry that she was falling behind...and how that would mean she falls behind in everything for the rest of her life. Once these moments pass, however, i realize she's doing remarkably well and is a very happy and content baby. There's no real need to worry. God and i are trying to work on that more.

- She still doesn't crawl, but rather rolls around to get to things she wants. More often than not, though, if she can't reach what she wants, she'll fuss a little and then give up on it, content to play with something else closer or if nothing is beside her, her own feet or hands. Her ability to entertain herself may come in handy later, but it's a little frustrating when i'm trying to motivate her to move to her toys on her own. She still hasn't pulled herself up to standing yet, but will stand for a long time if she gets placed in that position by J or me. She even will only use one hand to steady herself, and uses the other to point or reach for objects. i know it will mean more work for me when she's more mobile  but i'm excited to enter this new phase of exploration for her.

...or push him away.

i can't believe it's been 10 months already. i can't believe i only have two more stickers left to put on her onesies for monthly photo shoots. It's all moving so fast. Even J has commented on how quickly she seems to be growing up before our eyes.

When i recognize how fast time is moving, that's when i'm glad for little blog posts like this one. Posts where i can put pictures and write about her and somehow freeze a moment in time. Because even though she's quickly moving towards 11 months...12 months...18 years, she'll always be 10 month old Caroline when i revisit this post. 

And i'm so glad for that.